I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
