apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
