is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
