he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize