You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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