wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
