I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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