Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
