Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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