It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
