I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
