Your mouth is God's brothel.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
