Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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