So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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