It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
