if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
