the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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