Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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