I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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