U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Randomize
