It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All the doctor said was why
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
