There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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