you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
