she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I forget how to act sober
Randomize