There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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