the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
