Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
