and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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