ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
