Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
