Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
