your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize