some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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