They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
