Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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