Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
