I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
