You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
