he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
