why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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