yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
