Christians are straight up FREAKS
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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