there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
