My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
