Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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