I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
