looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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