return my video game
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
