he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This baby is an asshole
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
