I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
