A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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