I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
