He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
