Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
