don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
