i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
