Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
