Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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