i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize