i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
