Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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