Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize