I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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