just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
