Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
