I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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