so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
