at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
