my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
