i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
