I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
