I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
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The uberlube is also flammable
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize